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Jul 14, 2006
hello, my old friend.
i miss this here blog. So many times ive written in this a couple years ago. Ive been so depressed lately. My fucking shit head roomates moved out on me. NO, let me rephrase that, my fucking cunt face "friends"--- they left me stranded. Just didnt even care that, I would be struggling harder than ever, with a pathetic check that i have. I hate them so much right now, i feel so used. LIke i wasted all that time on them, just for them to "not care"
it has seriously driven me to the point that i cant truly care about someone... much less trust them. It hurts so bad. i wanted them to be there for awhile. things were going so well, at least they were starting to. Robi got a job, i got a job, ALlen had a nice ass job, i was starting to get my car fixed, things were getting better.
BUT NO.
they went running scared to cracktown enid.
i wish i could just get over it, its been over a week and half and im still stressing over it like it happened yesterday.
shoot me,
please
-Randie 
Posted at 04:33 pm by Made-of-Glass
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Jun 12, 2006
hello darling.
My secret blog, that i have been neglecting.
i havent been up to a lot. AManda just left, and let me tell you. i want to just blow my head off, i dont know why i put up with her shit, and im not taking it anymore. ive pretty much decided that i am not even going to be an effort to be here friend.
as a matter of fact, i dont plan on being friends with anyone anymore. Poeple are just so so so fucking good at pushing me to a point. I want to shoot everyone at my house, i cant stand to be there, i just want to hang out at my moms the whole day. and then dread the fact that im going to have to go home and listen to Allen and Robi fight, they fight over the stupidest things, and they dont understand why its annoying to me. Allen was talking shit on me the other day to Robi, and i heard him, and it was supposed to hurt me, usually if i catch someone talking shit on me, i break....but this time i just rolled my eyes and went to my room, and let all my respect for allen go down the drain. i cant stand him,
i cant stand Robi's [pregnancy] exuses.
i hate it so fucking much.
I went to white water yesterday, and i am so sunburned that it hurts like a bitch. i havnet been exposed to sunlight like that in years, i enjoy being the white girl that i am.
ive been irritated so much lately. My doctor put me on some new meds, called abilify. they are meant for schitzophrenia... and believe me im not a schitzo. They make me feel odd...they are supposed to help me with my mood swings and irritation level. [oh man, im getting irritating over the smallest of things] but they are just making me zombie-fied, i dont even want to fight, so i guess its working,
[just suck the energy out of her, she'll be alright]
oh well. i'll be going now.
peace. -Randie
i 
Posted at 02:06 pm by Made-of-Glass
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Mar 1, 2006
Empty
okay, so im alone... and i feel so lost in my head.
noone understands me... i just dont get enough time to explain myself half the time, and that really doesnt matter because i cant get my point across without sounding like a pyscho.
::sigh:: im the first to admit that i have a problem...i have problems!
i get too attached to certain people...
im one of those people who. CARE TOO MUCH...
i cry when i dont want to...and when i need to, i cant.
i do a lot of drugs, i would rather see life through the...loser point of view
i hate myself.
there is nothing about myself that i feel is worth anything.
i dont want to live anymore. i think of suicide often...several times a day.
after my 10 grand. im sure ill do it. im just so fucking sad.
-Randie
Posted at 11:08 pm by Made-of-Glass
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May 1, 2005
Britts a mother and i cant have the baby
Hey,
so brittany had one baby and my mom is going to get it, and i cant have it. Which i think is so fucked up. I feel like its my dog so i should get it, and i should name it, and it should belong to me. But my moms a stupid bitch and believes that ever since she came back to the house from kevins she can do whatever she wants to me and i know it must piss her off whenever i dont listen to her and let her know that i am not scared of her, or anyone else. Ive put up with her and my dads bullshit all my life, and im closer that ever to getting on with my life and doing what i want, and if she continues to treat me this way that i can pretty much garantee that i will have nothing to with her at all, ill occasionally call my brother, see my brother and give money to him but she can rot in hell, everyone always says that you need to have your mother in your life but i really dont believe all that, not when your mother has a "chemical imbalance, and nerve problems" he famous excuses for being the dumbass that she is.
But enough of that, my father hasnt exactly been DAD OF THE YEAR, he wont let me get a job, when he doesnt have a good day at work he takes his anger on me and terry, which i wont take, i refuse to handle his problems, and he will get the fuck out of my face before i grab a goddamn base ball bat and hit him in his head. Just the other day he flipped out on me in the grocery store, he kept getting aggrivated at everything that i wanted, im sorry that i want to eat healthy...god forbid.
Yesterday i went to the movies and out to eat with linda, ashley and her boyfriend: i really liked it. I always wish that when my family goes out to eat we could laugh, be civil and just talk...not yell. Its pretty much garanteed that by time we get out of the drive way one person is aggrivated and by time we get home the whole family is biting each others head off. well, i have to go
i needed to get that off of my chest
-Randie
Posted at 11:05 am by Made-of-Glass
Permalink
Feb 20, 2005
Your Supposed To Be On MY Side...
I have to admit that i kinda forgot about this little site, and god know ive needed it sometimes. hmm, iam doing SOOOO much better, but i still get in these pissed off modes. To where if someone says something stupid i just want to kick them in their fucking faces.
i was looking through my old entries and i have to admit that when i am sad, i write some good stuff. At times i wish i could be like that again... sick isnt it? i was so poetic, i havnet written a poem in forever but that could be the fact that im off of coricidin now. hmmm..dunno
-RANDIE
Posted at 05:53 am by Made-of-Glass
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Dec 25, 2004
Posted at 09:00 am by Made-of-Glass
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Dec 7, 2004
Hello Hello,
so i am back. Fuck, i went to a mental institution. ME, randie the great???? wtf, i shouldnt be in a place like that, but what do you know i was. I tried to kill myself on November 30, 2004...i slit my wrists and oviously it didnt work..DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT. My parents saw that i needed help and sent me to Hattiesburg to Pinegrove hospital and i stayed there for 7 days. UGH, it was horrid, i wanted to die in there, i wont cut anymore just for the fact that i dont want to go back to that hell hole. Now that i am back in the real world i am faced with the same ol same ol...stress and drama and im used to running in my room and doing something to myself, take a deep breath, and it would all be better. but i need to deal with it better, and now i am doing that...sorta
we had a family "meeting" in the living room and it was good and all but i dont see it happening. My dad asked us to start to get along and stop fighting with each other all the time. HA! that shits never going to happen and i dont know what i can do to make it happen. He says i am destined for failure, whatever the hell that means, but i have been around this family too damn long to know that we dont see eye to eye and we never will.
OH the negativity
-Randie
Posted at 07:22 pm by Made-of-Glass
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Nov 29, 2004
Deck the Halls in Gasoline
GRR school is back, i hate school. i have a shit load of homework and normally i would be like hmm oh well, ill do it later...but i am actually going to do it because i am actually going to try to finish school and at least pass the 10th grade. Michael came to school this morning and in the middle of our conversation he was all like uhh i am suspended today. Oh yeah. Mark was like you need to get off the school property because you can get taken to jouvenile for trespassing, and the way our school is...im sure they will. haha but he just went into the bathroom and his fahza picked him up. what a loser.
I havent been dreaming lately and i am pissed about it. It could be because of the dex im doing again. yesterday at books a million there was this book that you can look up your birthday and it will tell you about yourself. And me and michaels were like right on the dot. It was scary.
Jesse hasnt called me today and im not going to stress about it, i had a dream/meditation and he was kissing miranda in front of me and laughing and said something about a playas gotta play...
woah it was scary
-Randie
Posted at 05:11 pm by Made-of-Glass
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FRESH BLOOD!
-Randie
Posted at 05:02 pm by Made-of-Glass
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Nov 28, 2004
so who needs to be sad in the world when drugs can fix that? ha! im just fucking with ya. I just got home from falons house and it was grand. i had fun with michael, falon, and Brandon.
we drove to town and everything, but my parents cant know becuase i didnt ask, and hate it so much when they yell at me. GAh, i just want to blow my head off.
-Randie
Posted at 07:21 pm by Made-of-Glass
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